Happy Thanksgiving everyone! or i should say happy belated Thanksgiving..oh well. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and didnt get stuffed like the turkey! Anyhow, with all greetings aside, im pretty happy with how my essay turned out, despite the wonderful snowfall we had that canceled class. Now, as my group is doing option 2 in the criteria, i sort of did a bit of both option 1 and 2 and mixed them together, so for those of you have my essay for reader review, just take note of this so i dont accidentally forget along the road. As far as specific feedback goes, i just want to make sure if im clear or not, thats my main concern as of right now, so if you can let me know that will be great!
~Nikki
I'm glad you're fairly happy with your essay. I'm also working on my conciseness. I hope you're enjoying your break.
ReplyDeleteGlad your essay is coming along swimmingly. :)
ReplyDeleteSince you talked about clarity, it sounds like you want readers to focus on Expression of Ideas from the evaluation criteria. Are there aspects of expression that you could describe to readers so they can focus their energy (e.g. word choice, sentence variety, etc) ?
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ReplyDeleteSince you chose your own personal blog for analyzing, your evidences are generally showing what the differences are between your online identity and personal identity. Those are a good content to talk about a personal blog. On the other hand, I think you prefaced a lot of opinions about how blogging influence in this period of time at the first page. That is a bit too much for putting them in the first and second paragraph. Because when I read through your first page, it is hard to get your thesis clearly. But overall, I can truly get to know more about you after reading your essay. :)
ReplyDeleteReader's Review:
ReplyDeleteDear Nicole,
When I started reading your essay, your introduction struck me, and I was completely drawn into your essay from that point on,
"Now, as we talk about “modern day” technologies, I for one, have a lot of things that come into mind. The most common reaction is “Wow! They didn’t have that when I was a kid!” or something more simple as to looking through that fogged up store window, staring at the item of your dreams. This, in a basic sense if you will, pretty much sums up the way the different societies view the technologies of today. However, it seems that we never take the time to look at how they influence us in the personal sense, how they shape us as people, and one of those techniques is digital composing tool known as blogging." You used an excellent sense of clarity and you came up with a life situation that most of us has been through so that is why I think your essay was intriguing to me. Great job, your essay seems to unfold nicely, but I think you can use more evidence :) Great start!
Readers Review:
ReplyDeleteNicole;
Looking at your draft I think you did a good job presenting your writing process throughout your paper but I’m not sure of what your thesis is right now; I could see how you were starting to formulate your thesis but it was not too explicit or making enough connections between your blog’s content and your interpretation of the blog in order to let the reader know about your thesis and blog’s identity. Though I thought you were doing option 2, I think your writing process is coming together pretty good. I can see how you are relating to the different sources and using them as you write and that you have the data necessary in order to formulate a great thesis.
GOOD JOB(: